oh friends you're holding me/us above water

I am so damn greatful (this time the spelling is on purpose- for once) for you. for you who are reading this. for you who don't even know that i write at times. for you for holding me close and telling me its ok to feel...  to feel happy... to feel sad... to cry... to laugh... to want... to just be.  Im so darn lucky for the people I work with. I am at work more than anywhere else and even though im da boss man, you let me talk and rant and weep and be truthful. Laura and I settled in the Columbia River estuary region with the hippies and hipsters and those that felt a deep connection to the earth and the energy here. Now this community is holding me/us up; holding our heads above the pull of the tide...

The above is ink Ani got for Laura and her store Lucy's Books on the Thursday after she died. On the Thursday before the memorial service/celebration of life thing.

This is the ink Ami H. got a couple weeks ago. It's not finished. She will go back this weekend and get color...  Our people Love Laura so. I still can't quite get a tattoo...  I am not sure why. Maybe its the jew in me that rubbed off of Laura and my upbringing that just cant quite do the tattoo thing.  Maybe its im still afraid of the fbi...  I don't know... I might though some day but i might not too...

We are still having "family" dinner each week with the Posy of girl friends. I think we laughed harder and longer this past week than we have before...

There are people here in Astoria that I am leaning on big time...  Super close old friends and super close people who we have known forever but I'm just getting to know all over again.

Part of my Therapy homework this week is to spend time in the rain forest and rivers of our region as well as do a "free write" where I let Laura into me and let her dictate a letter to me from her with me writing it...  I am always up for a walk along Big Creek in the squishy rain forest we live in but the letter from Laura to me will be a bit of a challenge.

Laura's first cousin Ann Dee sent me a thumb drive with music on it. Im listening to it now. Its pretty rad.  One of my all time favorite songs is on the play list- I like you so much better when you'r naked...  there have been so many gestures of love from so many people...  A friend from 7th grade and high school, Suzie and I have just started emailing and it is so deep reconnecting with people from so long ago...  Dawn, Melany, Caryn and Solveig have all been there too and I cherish my old dear friends so.

And one last thing, we still have family dinners each night. They fill my soul. For the past week, we have laughed and lingered over dinner and talked and been here for eachother.  Just one more kid pic (no I am totally lying, I will continue to post a pic or two of my smart, kind and wonderful family)

Thank you for being here for us. For taking care of us when we didn't think we needed taking care of. For doing what is right and good even though I didn't know what I needed. Love love love

oh and if you want to get inside my head a little more, here is a ted talk that Sarah and Terry W. posted:

https://www.ted.com/talks/nora_mcinerny_we_don_t_move_on_from_grief_we_move_forward_with_it?language=en