6 months

It's not yet 7 am on March 6th.  Six months ago right now, Rachel, John and I think Joey were here with Ani, Tim and I and Laura's body. My strong brilliant wife died at 5:26 am six months ago today. I was awake today at that time thinking about time. Time really is relative. Time has moved so so differently for me and our family. It seems like another lifetime ago that Laura was in hospice and alive. And at the same time, the memories of good times with our family seem close by. It is so strange.

We are still doing pretty regular dinners during the work week with friends.  Our big news is that Ani has moved out and is now living in Dead Horse Point State Park in Moab UT. She got into her subaru on Monday March 2 and drove off into the morning mist and into her next adventure. Tim has had the flu but is on the mend. My Mom and Dick are supposed to come out for two weeks at the end of March but I have a feeling she might cancel due to COVID-19 virus and the Left Coast.

I just wanted to say its been six months since Laura died... 

Here are some pics:

Jeremy and Ani. We had a going away party for Ani last Friday and our local family came to with her well

Cathy, National Park Ranger, gives Ani some ranger advice! 

Ani is talking about how much she will miss Louis and how much Louis will miss her. Both dogs are kinda depressed now that Ani is gone...  Louis especially.

nothing more to say but Vicious

Louis is skeptical about Ani packing and driving off... 

Tim is cutting the Peanut Butter Pie he had for his 22nd birthday on March 1. We are just moving through life events without Laura/Mom...

Really, Dad, Do we need more pictures??? Note the succulent plant in her hand that Annik gave her. the plant was literally the last thing to go into the car.

Peanut Butter Pie with GF Oreo crust. Rich!

Dead Horse Point State Park the day Ani arrived

More Dead Horse State Park

Our house is still here and the sun still sets in the West.

One step at a time. Life is good. Be kind to each other and yourself.

a dream

On Saturday night I had a wild dream. I am an active sleeper- sleep walking, talking etc. So I woke up at like 2 am and was like oh no, Laura is not in bed next to me. Damn were is she? I looked in the bathroom, I went down stairs to the kitchen, looked outside on the deck and then into the downstairs bathroom...  It was in the downstairs bathroom after searching for Laura for a while that I was like, wait, Laura died so thats why she isn't in bed with you.

Maybe not the most uplifting dream but there you go.  I actually feel pretty good all things considered. The Mexico trip was defiantly a reset for me. I feel like I can breath again and so much more Jon than I have felt.

I fly to Albuquerque on Saturday and then home late on Tuesday. My close friend Ron Devargas is picking me up at the airport and we are driving north to his house in Espanola NM.  Ron's youngest and Tim went through school together and have been close since 5 years old and Ron and I are peas in a pod. Always finding the bright side of life. I have always wanted to see his place in NM so we will have a blast.

Work is busy and good and mostly fulfilling.  Friends are close and sweet. Im meeting new people and doing things all the time.  I really don't know what the dogs will do when Ani leaves.  Louis is a total night time slut moving repeatedly between Ani's bed and my bed. each day Ani and I report when Louis left or came to us and neither of us  remembers all the going back and forth.

Tim continues to ride his bike all the time and is doing pretty good.  Not sure why you're reading this. It must be boring now.  anyway, love you. peace Jon

too long absent

Christmas day on the beach with Laura's remains.  We burned smudge and hers and flowers and put her ashes into the Pacific Ocean.  It was good.

Louis and Mia are still huge parts of our every day lives...  They spend most of the day in bed with Ani on the third floor.

Ani combed both dogs today and I actually clipped Mia with the electric dog clippers and sissors.  this pic is obviously in sheep mode and now she is much thinner with less hair.

John and Tyler on Christmas day. It was such a beautiful thing that Hannah and Tyler were here for Christmas. 

Us on Christmas

On Boxing Day we went for a boat ride. Left to Right Hannah,Rachel, John, and Tyler

Mexico.  the Sea of Cortez behind my boy

La Paz was amazing. There is a beautiful board walk along the waterfront that has bronze statues at the foot of every street going down to the water.  We felt safe and ate well and loved our Air BNB

I like doors

Silver Fox... haha  Like the shadow

Maybe some type of Gar fish. Definitely a fish scull but not a barracuda or anything I know...  Love the vicious teeth though

From the Balcony of our Air BNB.  Rare T pic

I just like this pic

Sunset on the La Paz Boardwalk while Tim and I were walking one night

Big cactus.  Cardon Cactus

Hiking one morning.  6 minutes from our place.

Real weather behind me. It rained hard about 30 minutes after this pic

Tim rented a long board and I rented roller blades and we zoomed up and down the 4 mile board walk

Dinner the last night in La Paz

This is at the end of a point of land where the snorkeling was amazing. Big fish. coral. huge diversity of fishies and coral and kinda wild and wavy and adventurous.  This was our favorite place to snorkel. I love how you can see the sand that drops out of the air behind a little rocky point.  Just enough sand to let Ani put a towle out while Tim and I snorkeled.  Ani came out and snorkeled for the second dive. On the drive back from this secluded beach, we saw a road runner and then a Mexican Bobcat.  It was so so cool.  I have seen bobcat tracks before in my life, but never a bobcat.  sweetness.

So this is the bay where the snorkeling is so good at the point. The above photo is out the coast to the left of Ani at the end of the point you see above Ani's shoulder.  There is a restaurant just in front of Ani that has great nachos and margaritas....

Last weekend in Astoria was very stormy and I love arts and crafts on a stormy weekend....

The only thing missing from this photo is Louis.  The dogs are keeping Ani company while she is in bed on the third floor...

Mic DROP

Hi All.  I have been gone from my BLOG for a long time.  The big news is that Ani got her ultimate job!  She will start as Park Ranger at Dead Horse State Park in Moab UT.  Moab is Ani's happy place.  This job comes with free housing and utilities. All the Park Rangers live in one spot within the park.  It has epic Mt Biking and hiking and she is so excited.  Love you. I can't really believe you are still checking into this. I might continue writing...

fare thee well my honey, fare thee well

After we all put a handful of Laura into the mighty Columbia River, i tossed an extra handful for Taeryn, Luke, Silas, Elaina and Madeline...

I danced so hard in bad shoes last night.  My left heal actually hurts...

ashes to ashes dust to ...

I am seeing both a therapist/counselor, Sarah von Coldvits, she is amazing, as well as a healer/reiki master/bowenwork aura feeler and general shaman named Kendra. Since Kendra said I should walk amongst the forests and streams I wanted to walk around our Knappa land.  On a bit of a whim, I checked in with Ani and Tim to see if they were cool with me taking Laura's ashes to Knappa and doing the first opening of them on my own in the intimacy of the woods the stream and myself.

I was pretty much blindsided by how powerful my emotions were at opening her  ashes and putting my hand inside the bag of Laura's earthly remains.  If you saw the amazing TED talk I posted last time, you'll get the pic below.

I like how a little bit of Laura is there above Big Creek with cedars, big leaf maples and alders. After crying hard, I had oysters for lunch with my friend Nancy and then John W. came by the house as I was moving wood around. It was good to be with people.

I feel like I am too much at times. I cry and talk deep and those Im with cry and listen. It is hard, but the processing and talking sure helps me. Maybe not my friends since they cry too but thats what friends are for.

Sunday, some of our closest friends are coming over in the late afternoon and the kids, our friends and I are bringing Laura's ashes down to the beach on the columbia right below our house. We will have a little ceremony. I will cry and then we will come back to the house and have some snacks and look at pictures...  I think there is a barn holiday party Ill try to go to as well tomorrow.  I know there are some of you in Seattle who want to help spread Laura's ashes too. Its a big box and you can come and I will accompany you to one of Laura's chosen places. It is important to Ani and I that we start doing this. We will probably bring Laura out to the beach on christmas as well...

Ani pretty much aced her last exam and is now done with her undergrad degree! So proud of her.  We will have to celebrate her next week once she actually gets a passing grade, but she got 100% on the multiple choice section of the test and will always ace any writing sections since she is like her mom and the best writer I know. Yay Ani! (oh ya, sorry Ani, Im not supposed to talk about you... two blogs in a row too. my bad...)