Thanksgiving

I was totally patting myself on the back yesterday afternoon about how well I was doing and that I totally had this holiday thing down...  Then after a sauna and everyone went to bed, i just lost it. I cried so hard and so long just saying I miss you over and over. I felt Laura there in my lap as I cried. I went outside to cry. Frost was and still is on the ground and I cried outside in bare feet and my jammies for an hour and a half until i was too bone chillingly cold I had to come in and drink water and go to bed.

I fell into a whole of grief and sorry that I have been diligently walking around. I have a very well worn path around this hole of sorry within me. I guess i need to look into it a bit more before I try to cover it up.  The hole will always be there and i guess I need to find a way to build a bridge over it or handrails next to it so I don't fall in unexpectedly but so I can also visit the hole and look in...

So everyone if fine. thanksgiving was lovely and the food was great. No surprise there, Ani made three pies cause two is not enough: pumpkin, pumpkin cheese cake and chocolate pecan/walnut pie (we ran out of pecans... and Ani thought chocolate chips were a better idea than cranberries)

Kathryn has this habit of sending us flowers for thanksgiving.  She is pretty kind and nice.

We went out and heard some good music Wed. night in hopping downtown Astoria.